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Anxious in Love: How to Manage Your Anxiety, Reduce Conflict, and Reconnect with Your Partner, by Carolyn Daitch PhD, Lissah Lorberbaum MA
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Healthy relationships require trust, intimacy, effective communication, and understanding. However, if you suffer from chronic anxiety you may have trouble dealing with everyday conflicts and tensions that can arise in relationships. No matter how committed you are, anxiety can leave you feeling distanced from your partner. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to overcome the anxiety-fueled reactions that keep you from achieving true closeness in your relationship.
Written by two experts on anxiety disorders, Anxious in Love offers easy-to-use techniques for calming anxieties and strengthening communication in your relationship. With this book, you will learn to stay centered when faced with conflict, understand your partner’s perspective, and become more independent. By changing the way you react to triggers and stress, you will be able to focus on enjoying time with the one you love, without anxiety getting in the way.
- Sales Rank: #57761 in Books
- Published on: 2012-12-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.90" h x .60" w x 5.90" l, .65 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 208 pages
Review
“Anxiety is, without doubt, the greatest enemy faced by couples, and its regulation is the most challenging and important achievement in marital happiness. The authors describe this crucial dilemma with deep and profound clarity and its resolution in clear instructions and exercises. Every couple who follows this path will end up in the kingdom of marital bliss. As the authors say, practice leads to permanence. I recommend this book not only to all couples, but also to all couples therapists. It will make their work with couples less anxious!”
—Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want and coauthor of Receiving Love with Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD
“Anxious in Love brings help for anxiety disorders into new territory, revealing how it can affect both partners in a relationship and endanger the well-being of their connection. In a compassionate, step-by-step strategy, the anxiety disorder is first managed, and then mastered using both behavioral and psychological tools. Ultimately these practices are woven into an effective program for couples to use—one that empowers both partners to calm the inner and outer effects of anxiety on their relationship and maintain a quality connection. Anxious in Love is an invaluable resource and guide for anyone suffering from an anxiety disorder or anyone in a relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety.”
—Eleanor Payson, LMSW, author of The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists
“Anxiety, phobias, compulsions, and social avoidance can erode and even destroy relationships. Anxious in Love gives you the tools to decrease, manage, and even eliminate your excessive anxiety (or to understand your anxious partner). After reading the simple but powerful methods in the book, I am confident you'll be anxious to try them and will feel better right away.”
—Bill O'Hanlon, author of The Change Your Life Book and Rewriting Love Stories
“Above all, therapists should not overlook the great advantage of prescribing Anxious in Love as a workbook for patients to use in tandem with ongoing psychotherapy. Its use will help patients get more out of their therapy by promoting self-awareness and self-reliance, as well as expanding self-care for stabilization, boundary development, and affect management.”
—Claire Frederick, MD, coauthor of Inner Strengths and Healing the Divided Self
“This book is written primarily for people suffering from anxiety, but also for their partners. . . . There is a wide range of specific exercises for readers to try, so they can find what works best to reduce the overall anxiety level, recognize emotional and physical triggering experiences so the anxious reaction can be prevented, and perhaps most importantly, to learn to be calm, not merely avoiding the anxiety. . . . The authors bring multiple human examples from their decades of clinical experience, simple assessments, and many practical exercises. They create a light and reassuring mood with a genuine concern to assist healing. . . . Anyone suffering from the potentially crippling fallout from any of the potentially crippling experiences of anxiety is likely to have significant benefit from actively engaging with this book.”
—Robert B. McNeilly, MBBS, CET, director of the Milton H. Erickson Institute of Tasmania
About the Author
Carolyn Daitch, PhD, is a licensed psychologist and certified Imago relationship therapist. She is the author of Affect Regulation Toolbox and Anxiety Disorders: The Go to Guide for Clients and Therapists. She is also a contributing author in Clinical Pearls of Wisdom: 21 Leading Therapists Offer Their Key Insights and Ten Commandments for Couples. She specializes in treating anxiety disorders; trains health professionals internationally on hypnosis, anxiety disorders, affect regulation, and relationship therapy; and is the director of the Center for the Treatment of Anxiety Disorders in Farmington Hills, MI. Dr. Daitch lives in West Bloomfield, MI.
Lissah Lorberbaum, MA, holds a master’s degree in clinical psychology with a specialization in somatic psychology and treats affect dysregulation across a wide range of clientele. She lives and works in Los Angeles, CA.
Most helpful customer reviews
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Very helpful, a bit complicated but understandably so
By Dr. Groundhog, MD
Overall, if you suffer from anxiety and it is affecting your relationship, this is definitely a targeted, worthwhile read.
From my impression, this book is geared towards people who have a recognized anxiety disorder and perhaps also have some existing experience in therapy/know their triggers. It is important to note that in order to get to the point of being able to complete the exercises one must be pretty aware of their anxiety and some comfortable knowledge of how anxiety feels in your body.
The exercises provide some concrete behavioral practices that can help with anxiety. A prescribed regimen like this really provided me with hope. Where therapy has often helped me unpack the "why" of my anxiety, this was the first concentrated dose of "what to do"
That said, I had trouble with this book because my anxiety is specifically in the realm of dating and relationships - not any of the types of clinically recognized anxiety talked about in this book (if you are curious about learning more about relationship/dating anxiety - "If this is love, why do I feel so insecure?" is a good source of info but the solutions section is very weak).
This book is written for people who have an established/committed relationship. It doesn't mention the areas of "dating while struggling with anxiety" or "dealing with relationships ending because of anxiety" These are two very important parts on the relationship continuum that I wished they at touched upon at least a little bit. I haven't found a good source about dating anxiety so this was a good proxy which I adapted for myself.
The exercises are quite complex and might take a bit of time to master. I find myself having trouble remembering what I had to do so had to interrupt my practice often to check in with the book. The authors do mention that this will need to be approached slowly and you will need to persist "practice makes permanent."
I found some of the exercises more helpful than others and recommend that you don't necessarily follow things to a tee, pick and choose what works for you.
One tip: the four-square breathing technique requires you to hold your breath for four counts after you have exhaled for four counts. I found this incredibly stressful and uncomfortable. I mentioned this to my therapist and he advised me not to do this as holding the breath can cause a sense of panic and release of associated stress hormones, making anxiety worse. As a physician, I considered from a physiological standpoint and agree. Instead, I decided to just do an up and down breath - four counts in and four counts out - I felt a lot better doing it this way.
All in all, this is the best book I've read thus far on this topic so would recommend it with the above caveats.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
An Amazing Experience
By Beverly S. Talan, PhD, MFT: Psychology, Marriage Therapy, Imago Relationship Therapy, EMDR Therapy
Most people experience anxiety in some manner, and go through life without resolution or understanding. Anxiety can be terrifying, and frustrating for a partner who lacks understanding. I am recommending this very creative book to individuals and couples to help them become more compassionate, empathic and accepting. Anxious in Love affords individuals and couples an opportunity to learn more about anxiety, and how you and/or your partner can face the challenge of increasing connection and overcoming the stress and conflict that stands in the way of desired happiness and love.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Everyone should own this book
By Catherine Herzog, Ph.D.
Everyone experiences anxiety. And everyone experiences conflict in the relationships in their lives. What few people realize is that anxiety is almost always part of the conflicts we all face every day.
Dr. Daitch and Ms. Lorberbaum have written a book filled with excellent background information and practical solutions that address anxiety, a common roadblock to healthy interactions and interpersonal intimacy.
If everyone could practice the principles, beautifully presented in this book, the quality of our collective lives would improve dramatically. This is a book that will be read and used for many years to come.
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